The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
