I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
