I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
