Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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