I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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