Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
