And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
