Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
