Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
