They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
