Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
