I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
