she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was CRYING into my vagina
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
