My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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