I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
