Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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