Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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