His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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