Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
