you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
