I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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