My room smells like vodka and shame
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
