Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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