I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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