I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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