Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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