So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
