did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
