My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
