He is such a slut. More and more my type.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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