just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
well most of my day revolves around power hour
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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