Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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