Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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