That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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