In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
