I'm so fucking centered right now
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
