so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
