I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
