watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
