I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
