Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
