there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ambien. No doubt about it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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