But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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