I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
