My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
