Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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