Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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