Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
