ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
