Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
