marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
