I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
